I am puke
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
