She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
