I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
