I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
