someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
