I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
