i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
