you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
