I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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