My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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