wrigley field is MILF paradise
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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