i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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