I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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