you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
someone owes me an orgasm
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
