He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
