listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
