sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
