Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
