He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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