he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she told me i tasted like america
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
