thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
