Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
