Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
