My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
