Say something about gay babies.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
