I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
