You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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