yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
