Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
