if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
