Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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