Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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