He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
