i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
