will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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