we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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