its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
