I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
