Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
