Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
