What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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