She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
