Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have already put on my inside pants.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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