Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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