just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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