sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
