I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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