I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
