id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
