Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
