I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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