as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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