she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
this just has baby written all over it
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
