To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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