Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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