i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
