I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
