well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
