i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Watching her eat just hurts me
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
