I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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